Patience is a Heavenly Virtue

Two years.

That's 24 months, 104 weeks, 730 days, 17,520 hours. All that time is spent with my other half 4,000 miles away from me.

It has been nineteen days since Jake started his adventure, and he is doing amazing things already. I knew that sweet, compassionate Jake would make an excellent missionary; it seems I have underestimated him. My sweet Elder Rasmussen has gone above and beyond. I'm amazed at his progress and incredible success in just nineteen short days. I can't wait to see what he can do in 730!!

I could not possibly express my joy for him in words. Jake is so happy and he knows he's where he's supposed to be. I know with all of my heart that he is doing the right thing. I wouldn't want him to be doing anything else. :)

Today, however, was a rather challenging day for me. In spite of my happiness and gratitude for his service, it is extremely difficult to be separated from him for so long. The only thing I wanted to do on this rainy day was stay in and watch all of our favorite movies together and snuggle and drink hot chocolate. However, since he is so far away, I decided to instead do a little research on the topic of patience.

While going through my first month of being a missionary girlfriend, I've had so many inspiring little quotes thrown at me that I've considered stitching onto a throw pillow; phrases like, "happiness is a journey, not a destination," and "good things come to those who wait." Don't get me wrong, I love the fancy quotes -- I couldn't get by without a little motivation. But between the cheesy packages and love letters and blogging, I've come to realize that this journey is about so much more about just waiting. It's about becoming.

Tonight, I came across the comforting words of President Uchtdorf in his talk, "Continue in Patience." Two things really stuck out to me:

1) Waiting can be hard. Waiting IS hard. But "the lessons we learn from patience will cultivate our character, lift our lives, and heighten our happiness." Waiting for a missionary shapes you in ways that you wouldn't expect. Obviously, you don't get to text him, and you can't hold his hand and go on dates whenever you want. The thing that I'm struggling with the most is coming home after a long, difficult day and not being able to call him. But instead, I get to write! Sure, it's a week until I get to hear back from him. I'm learning to love him in a different way. Since patience is a heavenly virtue, it is a quality we need to develop to become like our Heavenly Father. In this big, moving, industrial world of ours, it's hard to be patient; Sometimes it's hard to remember that there's more to this life than just now. "Patience—the ability to put our desires on hold for a time—is a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want, and we want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and, at times, bitter. Nevertheless, without patience, we cannot please God; we cannot become perfect. Indeed, patience is a purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses action, and offers hope for peace."

2) He goes on to say, "It is my prayer that patience will be a defining characteristic of [us]; that we will courageously trust the Lord’s promises and His timing; that we will act toward others with the patience and compassion we seek for ourselves; and that we will continue in patience until we are perfected." The Lord knew what he was doing when he paired me up with a boy who still had to serve a mission. He knew that I needed to develop patience. But instead of sitting around and counting the hours until he's back with me again, I need to focus on my life here. I can work now to build my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I can prepare to become the best wife and mother that I could possibly be. I love how President Uchtdorf mentions how we can "act toward others with the patience and compassion we seek for ourselves." When you lose yourself in service, time really flies! And that's not a bad way to pass the time, either. :) 

I know God has a plan for me, and he has a reason for everything he does. I'm learning to trust the journey even when I do not understand it. He truly loves each one of us, and He knows what's best for us all. I love this gospel, I love my sweet missionary, and I love my Heavenly Father who's helping me develop patience. :)

Missing you.

I miss you terribly. I miss you a little more and a little less with each new day. More, because every second without you by my side only reminds me of how incomplete I am without you. And less, because every day spent without you is only one day closer until you're playing with my hair and singing to me again. I can't wait until I can spend every second by your side, cooking for you and caring for you and knowing that I'm yours forever. I'm excited to roll over and wake you up with kisses and make chocolate chip pancakes together. I can't wait until you're my running buddy. And most of all, I'm excited for the rainy days when we just stay in bed and read side by side. I think it's safe to say I'm very excited for our forever. ❤️

Cookie Dough

I remember a solemn day

In December we were

Craving cookies and each other.

And naturally, making cookies

Required us to make a 

Filthy mess of one another 

You threw flour in my hair,

And your face got pasty white,

And so I kissed it off of you

We laughed and joked and

Danced to music that you 

Knew every single word to.

When the dough was ready

To cook in the oven, I proposed

Question unsettled in my head:

"Why make cookies when

You have cookie dough 

To happily enjoy instead?"

You grabbed my hand and

Spun me around, dipped me,

Kissed me and said so kind:

"My darling, this is why

You and I are meant to be.

You effortlessly speak my mind."

I smiled, and you smiled

That crooked smile of yours

That send my heart beating

And for the rest of the night

We sat on the cold floor

Snuggling close and eating

Cookie dough.

{12-28-13}

My first P-Day! *celebration emoji*

Today COMPLETELY changed my outlook on these next two years.
I don't know what I was expecting.
I think I was somehow expecting Jake to email me telling me how much he loves and misses me and whatnot. And in a way he did. He stared the email off with "HI MY SWEET GIRL :):):)". He's such a wonderful human. But anyways, that was about as cheesy as it got.
Jake was in FULL missionary mode. It took me by total surprise, and made me the most proud girlfriend in the entire world. :):)
I was so preoccupied with worrying about him being worried or anxious or sad that I was not prepared for what he said to me.
He shared an experience that him and his companion had with an investigator. I'm going to change the name for privacy reasons. :)
This is what he said:

"So we have what's called a TRC investigator (teaching resource center). These are people who come in to the MTC and let the missionaries teach them. they're either real investigators or they're recent converts who are roleplaying their story as the missionaries teach them. so we don't know which investigators are members or not so we really have to treat it like the real deal. our investigator's name is Sam. he's samoan and he moved from California. our first visit with him on monday, he was really rude to us. he let us in for ten minutes while we taught him about how much God and Jesus Christ love him, and that any sorrows and pains and guilt he feels in his life can be swept away through repentance because of the atonement. he hates Utah. the only reason he's here is because he's living with his best friend. he feels like everyone here judges him because he's not mormon and everyone just shoves religion down his throat. he kept asking us why we even cared and kept telling us to leave. eventually it got to the point where i got a little frustrated, the spirit said to me "be bold" and i yelled out, "SAM I CARE ABOUT YOU WHETHER YOU ACCEPT IT OR NOT. nobody, especially you, should have to go through this life sad and sorry. i don't care if you're mormon, i don't even care if you don't get baptized and you kick us out, as long as it makes your life happy. that's all i care about."

well.... he started crying and opened up about something that happened in his life. a year ago, he was living with his family when he found out his little brother was gay. Sam and his brother got into a huge fight and Sam ended up telling his brother that he was better off killing himself, so his brother got a gun and killed himself right in front of Sam. after he told us the story, he ran out of the room, dried his face off, came back and said, "I think you'd better leave." so we got up and just as we were about to leave he started crying again and sincerely asked, "seriously. why do you care?" so i lost it. i started bawling and ran over and hugged him, both of us just sitting there hugging it out and crying.

To shorten the story, he let us come back the next day. we've had some crazy stories with him since then. it's been fun getting to know him!!!"

I am so impressed with Jake. I knew he was going to be a great missionary, but I didn't know just how great. He is so amazing. I am just absolutely blown away by him!!!

I got so much out of this story. Those of us who have the gospel sometimes don't realize what we really have. Because we've been blessed with the truth, we have an obligation to share the hope of the gospel with those who need it. There are so many people in the world who suffer every day in many ways. And we have a way to give them hope. We're all missionaries. We all have the potential to change someone's life. So take a risk, and lets all find a Sam. :)

One Day at a Time.

This week was a paradox. It was the fastest yet the slowest week of my whole life. On one hand, I can't believe it's already been a week. I think not talking to him every day has really helped. Before, I would wait until the next morning to talk to him; now, I have to wait a week in between every time I get to talk to him. Although some days seemed to drag by, they still went by. And that gives me so much hope. :) On the other hand, there's still 103 weeks left... I remember when there were that many days left until I got to meet Jake for the first time. Time seemed to move so slowly back then. Now, it's been four months since I met my sweet boy. I can't believe how fast it came and went!! And I know that these two years will go the same way. 

Time is going to pass anyway. I need to be as productive as I can for these next two years, and focus on building myself to be the best I can be. :) 

I know that Jake's doing the right thing. I wouldn't marry him if he was any less dedicated to what he believes in. :) He's such an inspiration to me. He's my hero. And I'm so excited I get to experience this journey by his side. Good grief I love him so much. :):):)