Words from Jake.

So there's this thing I do where I really struggle putting my feelings into words. But, lucky for me, my sweet Jake was blessed with the ability to write. He sent me this today, and I just had to post it because it nails my thoughts exactly (he's really good at doing that).  

"Sometimes I can't help but wonder if I'm on your mind as much as you're on mine. Even when I turn my focus to other things, you're still in my head somehow. Everything I do leaves my mind crawling its way back to you, because I can't wait till everything I do is with you by my side. You've been on my mind since day one, constantly reminding me of the man I need to become, reminding me of how beautiful you are, reminding me of how much I absolutely need you. No matter how hard I tried, I could never get you out of my head. But that's the thing, I don't ever want you to leave. I was made for you. All of me was made for you. My mind was made to think of ways I could paint a smile the entire way across your face, to think about how I can make you happy and bless your life. I was made to be the best I can be, but not for me. For you. My mind has set it's course for what I need. My sights are on eternity... Eternity with you. There are endless possibilities, endless amounts of actions and ideas and words that I can conjure up to make you as happy as you can possibly be, an endless amount of love that I am here to give you. All of that is what I live for, it's all I can think about. Your beauty, your intelligence, your smile, your spirituality. My mind picks its way through the parts that make up who you are, loving and being thankful for each individual detail that makes up you. It's as though my mind has a mind of its own, and it craves everything about you. Everything about me craves everything about you. I long to be where you are, to love you and be loved by you. I didn't think I'd be able to go a whole month of thinking like this. But it persisted. Two, three, four months gone by and I couldn't stop thinking about you. We have something special, that's probably the longest I've thought about anything before. I'm not a thinker. Little did I know that five, six, seven months would come and go. Seven months of thoughts of you. So will it ever stop? Is this what happens to everyone who finds true, lasting love?? No. It doesn't happen to everyone. If it did, it wouldn't stop for anyone. Nobody would fight, divorce, lose things they don't want to. Our love isn't something that can be degraded by any force ever to exist. It's too strong for that. We aren't "just another love story." Our love strong enough to last whatever time is needed to get back to you, it's strong enough that it will grow endlessly into the eternities, strong enough that I know for a fact that you won't leave my mind for the rest of my existence. I can't be with anyone else, because you'd still be there. It's not something I can control, but it's something my whole frame yearns to feel. Thoughts of you?? They'll never leave. And I have absolutely no problem with that. The only question left, I guess, is if I'm on your mind as much as you're on mine?"

SEE WHAT I MEAN? He's freaking amazing. And the answer, of course, is yes. He is my every thought, behind every action, the purpose of everything I do. He consumes my thoughts just as I consume his. He's right, this love is different. It's real, true love; the kind that not time, distance, or anything else that could ever happen. This is definitely a forever kind of thing. ❤️

The Whole Fam Damily

I can't get over what my mom said to me earlier.

I was sitting at the computer printing out pictures for my journal cover. My mom was in the room behind me, ironing. She could see the computer screen from over my shoulder. When she saw me add a couple (and by a couple, I mean 18) pictures of Jake, she started talking about how much she adores him. Then she said something really great.

"You know, ever since we got back to Hawaii, it felt like something was missing. I miss having lots of kids around, and being with family, but that's not it. But then, I realized -- OH! Jake's not here. I miss Jake. He was just so much fun to be around; I can't wait until he's around all the time."

My mom has always said she loved Jake and truly hopes we end up together. But today was the first time I knew that she was as confident as I am about Jake and I getting married. It's really great to know my family adores him almost as much as I do. 

On top of winning my mom over, Jake has also become the first boy that my dad has ever liked. Ever. Except my dad doesn't just like Jake -- he loves him. And don't even get me started with my little brother. Jake and Eric finally met for the first time about three weeks ago, and to greet him, Jake ran up to Eric, jumped into his arms, and said "HEEELLO ERIC." They acted like old friends, and Jake took the top seat on my brothers list of his favorite humans. 

My sweet Jake managed to win my entire family over. And there was no act involved; he didn't try to cover who he was. When he was over at my Grandma's house for family gatherings, he would play with all of the kids. (And of course, they all love him. Even Luke loves him. Luke doesn't even like me!!!) In fact, a lot of our time was spent playing the wii with my little cousins.

(Jake, Lexi, and Whit playing Super Mario Bros.)

He was polite but funny. Everyone loved his sense of humor -- the adults liked him just as much as the kids. He didn't even have to try with my grandma. The first time my grandma shook his hand, she ran around the house yelling, "He's the one! He's the one! Kensie is going to marry him!" It was pretty great.

It's just amazing to me how well he fits in to the family. And honestly, I feel so comfortable with his family. They are some of the best people I've ever met. Goodness, don't even get me started with his family because I'll rant on for another 20 minutes about why they're so amazing. I'm just so grateful for how perfectly everything is working out. It makes waiting a lot easier when you know it's meant to be. :) 💚

Tonight, my mom told me one more thing that really made me happy. She was looking at a picture of me and Jake standing in front of the temple, and she said, "You two look so happy. I can see eternity in your eyes."

I can't imagine being with him any other amount of time than for forever. ❤️

Music.

I can't listen to a single song without thinking about you.
(Well, I can't really do ANYTHING without thinking of you, but that's for another time.)

You're in every song. I can't listen to music without thinking of you because it's either:
A) A song we used to sing out loud together in your car, or with your guitar in your basement
B) A funny song I know we would laugh at together
C) A song that I know you would love just like I do
or
D) The lyrics.
I find that the lyrics really get to me. I hear musicians putting my feelings into words, and it kind of scares me. Sometimes, I'll hear a song that describes our relationship so accurately, I feel like someone is following me around and writing songs about my life.

I'm never sad when I think of you though. I just smile, because I know that one day I can share all of the songs with you.

Earlier today, I had my iPod on shuffle, and it played three of our songs in a row. I drove around town with the windows down in absolute bliss.

You know, I thought this would be a lot harder. But I'm okay. In fact, I'm better than okay. I'm doing better than I ever have. I'm growing so much just by missing you. And for whatever reason, I have been blessed with so much comfort and peace in the times that I really need it.

I'm grateful for you. I love that I hear you in music, and see you everywhere I go. I don't miss you as much as I'm just so excited to be with you forever. And I know that we will make it. 

We're not just going to endure these next two years. We're going to DESTROY these next two years. :)