Thankful :)

I have thousands of things to be thankful for. Elephants, food, longboarding, books, hot chocolate, running, Winnie the Pooh, food, friends, cute baby animals, skiing, camping, mountains, food, volleyball, fishing, summer nights, food... The list goes on and on. But most of all, I'm grateful for a loving Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ. Without them, I am nothing. I am so grateful for Jospeh Smith, and that he could restore the gospel in these latter days! How wonderful is it that we can know of the truth because of a fourteen year old boy's simple prayer? I am so thankful for the atonement of Christ, and the mercy we are shown because of it. How awesome is this gospel!! I don't know where I would be without it. And this thanksgiving, I am especially thankful to my Heavenly Father for putting a very special boy in my life. :) God knew that I was going to need an angel during this time in my life, so He gave me my Jake. I am so blessed and so happy! :)

It Don't Matta

Jake is incredibly gifted with knowing exactly what to say to make me feel better. And it drives me absolutely crazy. I have this page of notes on my phone where I save all the cute things Jake sends me. I was reading through it today, and found this:

"Don't sell yourself short because you think you didn't do enough to get ready or you think your hair is messy or whatever the case may be. I see you for who you really are and when you say you're ratchet or not beautiful or not cute or ugly or whatever, it makes me wanna rage and burn the town because I already know you're beautiful and when you say you're not you're so wrong." 

See ladies? Now this is the kind of guy you want to hold on to. 

When I went and visited Jake in October, he was going to come pick me up at 8 in the morning so we could drive up the canyon. He showed up at 8 o'clock ready to go, but I had slept right through my alarm. "There's a cute boy here waiting to take you on a date," my grandma said when she woke me up. Of course, I panicked. I jumped out of bed, ran upstairs in all my bed-headed glory, and Jake says to me, "You look beautiful." 

Now I'm not even trying to exaggerate this. I literally walked out with greasy hair, smeared make-up, and I even smelled  lovely because of the lack of a shower. And he tells me I look good? That boy... He sent me that text right after our date that day. I read it every time I'm having a bad hair day, or don't feel like I did enough that morning, and I just makes me realize how much time I spend worrying about how I look. And he makes  me realize that I really don't need to worry so much about it. I love that boy.

Crazy.

It's crazy to see how far we're come in just a few short months.

Just back in July, Jake and I were just friends (though I admit I had a huuuuge crush on him). Back then, we would talk about longboarding and how weird we both were. I remember one day he started joking about getting married because we were so perfect for each other. I think it was then, in the first couple days of August, that I realized I liked him. And I liked him a lot.

I found a note in my school notebook today dated August 12th. It said:

 "Dear Jake, I know you'll probably never read this, but it's the fifth day of school today. As you know, school gets pretty boring. And when school gets boring, my mind tends to wander. But what I can't figure out is why my mind keeps wandering to you. I can't stop thinking about you. This is really weird, I've never felt this way about any guy, ever. I think I'm really starting to like you. Is that bad?"

It's absolutely crazy to me that he was once just "that cute longboarder guy from Instagram". I can't even remember what my life was like without Jake in it. I cant explain it, but I feel like he's just always been there. The fact that we've only known each other since June absolutely blows my mind.

I remember the first time he told me he loved me. There were a couple of times over the first weeks of September when I almost told him I did, but I could tell the timing wasn't right. Then one night, on September 9th, we were up talking really late. Jake read me some cute pages he had written about me in his journal. When he finished, I couldn't hold it in. 

"Jake?" I asked

"Yeah?" 

Then I went quiet for a minute, and whispered, "Do you love me?"

That was the longest silence of my life. After a good five minutes, he said softly, "I don't know what I'm feeling. But I've definitely never felt it before."

We said goodnight without further discussion of the topic. I called him again right after school the next day, curious to see if he would say anything about it. He didn't say anything until the very end when I had to go. He asked me if I could call him after practice so we could talk. And I said, yes, of course.:)

All through volleyball practice I couldn't focus on anything except Jake. I remember I even took a ball to the face that day because I was so distracted. My mind was racing, trying to figure out what he was going to say to me. Had I been too abrupt? Did I scare him away? Was he going to tell me the feeling was mutual? 

I called Jake as soon as I got home. We talked for an hour or so just like normal. Then he told me that he had gone on a long run while I was at practice just to think about things. He said he called his dad, and asked his dad how he knew when he was in love with his mom.

He said his dad described word for word exactly how Jake felt about me.

"I love you Kensie."

It just came out. He just put it out there for me to digest. I thought I was ready, but I guess you're never ready for love when it happens. It's kind of hard to explain the butterflies that I got at that moment; it made me want to simotaneously slap someone in the face and hug them. :):)

"I love you too, Jake."

I sealed the deal and promised away my heart. Without knowing it, this perfect boy had walked into my life and swept me off my feet. Little did I know then, I would continue falling more and more in love with this boy every single day.

Things got easier from then on. I think I was a lot more genuine after that, not because I hadn't been real with him before, but I felt a thousand times better knowing he felt the same way about me as I felt about him.

 Looking back on that day almost seems silly to me because my love for him has grown so much. It still makes me crazy when he tells me he loves me. But it's a good crazy; crazy in such a way that I know neither of us is going anywhere. 

We're getting closer!!:)

Guess what? We're down to the 30's now, ladies and gentlemen. That means there's only a little more than a month till I see my Poophead (aka Jake) again. I'm so excited asdfghjkl:):):) In just 38 days I'll be running off a plane into his arms. I'm so excited!!

To be honest, I'm okay with waiting for that day to come. That day will mark the beginning of the only week I get to spend with him before he leaves for two years. I hope it goes by slowly, but I know it won't. The weekend I spent with him last month went by in the blink of an eye. But we already have a whole bucketlist of things to do next month :)

Written by Jake himself. Haha what a stud.

To sum it all up, I'm just happy he's mine. He's a wonderful human being.

Waiting for a Missionary

Jake leaves for his mission February 5th.
For those of you who don't know, Mormon boys have the opportunity to serve a mission when they turn 18. They leave their families for two years and go out to preach the good word (yes, these are the super cute guys in suits riding around on bikes). When you see a missionary, you see a teenage boy in a suit with an eager smile and desire to teach. But what you don't see are their significant others back home who have to wait patiently for the loves of their lives to return...and they don't get to text, call, snapchat, FaceTime, Instagram, anything, for two whole years.
THATS GOING TO BE ME STARTING IN TWO AND A HALF MONTHS.
Let me say this now. I am so incredibly proud of Jake for choosing to serve a mission. He has the most amazing testimony to share with people of San Antonio, Texas. Ever since I was a little girl, I always said I would marry a returned missionary... So I wouldn't have it any other way. But I never thought I would meet the guy I loved BEFORE he left for two years. I am so incredibly proud of him. But I'm kind of nervous, too.
Two years, 24 months, 104 weeks, 730 days. But who's counting.
I'm just kind of anxious for him to leave so I can actually start the hardest two years of my life. It's kind of like running a marathon. You spend lots of nights up late worrying you're not ready, that you haven't prepared enough. Then it starts. The first two miles or so, you feel okay, but hopeless when you think of how far you have to go. Then by the 5th or 6th mile you realize how long it's been, and you level out at a nice steady pace. Every once in a while you feel tired, and you may even feel like quitting. Then finally at mile 20, you start to feel exhausted, but you remember it's almost over. You keep up a good pace, and finish strong, and then it's done.
Sometimes I like to think about what it's gonna be like when I get to hug him after waiting for two whole years. It might be the most romantic thing ever. It might be the most awkward hug ever (after all, he wouldn't have been allowed to hug anyone for the past two years). All I know is that that day will be one of the happiest days of my entire life.
I'm very anxious to get this thing started.

Today

Most days I have no problem with waiting a while to see Jake. But today is not one of those days. Today, 51 days feels like forever... Even though it's just a little over a month and a half. I'm really missing him today. :( I really just want to hug him.

Letting go.

I'm not perfect. Not even close to it. I've made a lot of mistakes in my short life. Luckily, I have had the atonement to help me, and I've also been blessed with some extremely wonderful people who have guided me through the rough spots. Tonight was one of those nights when I was just bagging on myself and couldn't help but feel guilty. Then I got this message from my Jake.:)

"You know how I keep telling you that your past doesn't matter?? That the only thing that truly matters is where you're at now and what direction you're headed?? This is just my little take on what you're feeling. I think God is telling you not to worry about anything in your past anymore. Because every time you've been sad about something that's happened, He's been able to tell you through other people that it doesn't matter what happened back then because you're doing what you're supposed to now. I think this is Him telling you to stop stressing over mistakes you think you've made back then because it doesn't matter anymore. So stop worrying about it.:)"

I'm so lucky. I don't think I'll ever be able to understand what I did to have such an amazing guy be placed in my life, but I will never stop being grateful for him. 💕 I think it's time to let go of my past and start building my life based on who I want to become. So here's to new beginnings. :)

A Lesson about True Beauty

Tonight I called Jake in tears. I had a rough day, and I wasn't feeling my best. After talking me through all my problems and feelings, he asked me how I was doing. I said, "Good. But you should see me right now, I look really cute (said extremely sarcastically because I had been crying all night)." 

His tone turned very serious right then, and he said, "It doesn't matter what you look like, Kensie. YOU are beautiful, don't you understand? Even when you're old, and your hair is white, and your skin is wrinkled, I'll still be absolutely crazy about you, because it's you that I'm in love with, not your looks."

How in the world did I get so lucky? 

I mean I get where he's coming from. I fell in love with his personality too. That's one of the best parts about long distance relationships; you get to know the person for who they really are. It just amazed me at how much he really cares. 

Tonight, I learned a really important lesson from Jake. People who truly love you won't care what you look like. I've grown up hearing those same words from my mother, but she's my mom, she has to say those things to me. Hearing it from an eighteen year old boy really makes you think.

I also had an important reminder about God's love. He loves each and every one of us with a divine, infinite, unwavering love. There is nothing we can do to change His mind. His love is unconditional; in the words of Elder Holland, "God's love is simply always there." Heavenly Father knows us for who we really are. He gave us our bodies as a gift, and He wants us to be comfortable with who we are, not to constantly degrade ourselves. I know that God sees us as our true being. He knows our spirits, and the potential we have, and what we will do. I'm so grateful for such a loving Heavenly Father and the  wonderful friend he has placed in my life to help remind me of the things that are most important. I truly am so blessed. :)

I can't wait to go to the temple. :):)

OH MY HECK.
Jake went through the temple today. :):):)
I'm so so so happy for him. He leaves for his mission in a little over 3 months (he's going to San Antonio, Texas). He is such an example to me. He lives his life in the way worthy priesthood holder should. Jake has already affected my life so much by choosing to serve a mission... It's amazing to me how in tune he is with the spirit, and what a light he is in my life. I have no doubt in my mind that boy is in my life for a reason. :) I'm so proud of him!!

How I Met My Best Friend.

Before I start writing in this blog, I feel like I should first tell you about how me and Jake met. Unfortunately, we didn't make eye contact in a cute little coffee shop, or meet at a good concert, or even crash into each other on a ski hill. No, in fact, a lot of people tell me how we met is really lame... but I wouldn't have it any other way.

So here goes nothing.

There's this guy I followed on Instagram named Taylor. He's an amazing photographer. He posts a lot of pictures that he takes of temples, and I had talked to him a couple of times over Instagram. One day in June, Taylor posted a picture of him and a couple of other guys (which was weird, because he never posted anything but temples). I noticed one guy that was really cute, so I checked out his page.

His name was Jake Rasmussen. I immediately followed him because I thought he was my friends cousin (but that's a whole different story). I scrolled through his pictures and quickly learned that he longboarded, had a really cute dog, worked at a library, had an obsession with socks, and liked the same music as me. As I was insta-stalking him, I could only think one thing; I really needed to get to know this boy.

Jake followed me back. I admit, I kind of got butterflies when I saw his name pop up in my notifications. The month went on, and every now and then Jake would like one of my pictures, or I would like one of his. We even had a conversation about longboarding on one of his pictures (which make me feel pretty cool).

One day, on my ask.fm, I got a question that said: "Is there anyone from instagram you would like to get to know better?" And, of course, I answered "Jake, @rasshole837." He liked that answer, and then sent me a question that said, 

"Hey you don't need to post this or anything but if you want to you should text me :) (then he gave me his number) I guess you could post it if you want everyone to be able to see my number but you know :) whatevs. Only if you want to :) Jake Rasmussen"

And that was the greatest moment of my entire life. I was jumping around my room like a 13 year old girl.

Needless to say, I texted him. Things started off pretty simple...but after only 3 days of talking to him, he literally described himself as my dream guy.

We have talked every single day since then. He quickly became my best friend. We had a lot of things in common...in fact, almost everything about us was the same. He was there for me when I moved, and I was there when he started college. He came into my life at a time when I really needed a friend. And I came into his when he needed one too. :)