Just back in July, Jake and I were just friends (though I admit I had a huuuuge crush on him). Back then, we would talk about longboarding and how weird we both were. I remember one day he started joking about getting married because we were so perfect for each other. I think it was then, in the first couple days of August, that I realized I liked him. And I liked him a lot.
I found a note in my school notebook today dated August 12th. It said:
"Dear Jake, I know you'll probably never read this, but it's the fifth day of school today. As you know, school gets pretty boring. And when school gets boring, my mind tends to wander. But what I can't figure out is why my mind keeps wandering to you. I can't stop thinking about you. This is really weird, I've never felt this way about any guy, ever. I think I'm really starting to like you. Is that bad?"
It's absolutely crazy to me that he was once just "that cute longboarder guy from Instagram". I can't even remember what my life was like without Jake in it. I cant explain it, but I feel like he's just always been there. The fact that we've only known each other since June absolutely blows my mind.
I remember the first time he told me he loved me. There were a couple of times over the first weeks of September when I almost told him I did, but I could tell the timing wasn't right. Then one night, on September 9th, we were up talking really late. Jake read me some cute pages he had written about me in his journal. When he finished, I couldn't hold it in.
"Jake?" I asked
"Yeah?"
Then I went quiet for a minute, and whispered, "Do you love me?"
That was the longest silence of my life. After a good five minutes, he said softly, "I don't know what I'm feeling. But I've definitely never felt it before."
We said goodnight without further discussion of the topic. I called him again right after school the next day, curious to see if he would say anything about it. He didn't say anything until the very end when I had to go. He asked me if I could call him after practice so we could talk. And I said, yes, of course.:)
All through volleyball practice I couldn't focus on anything except Jake. I remember I even took a ball to the face that day because I was so distracted. My mind was racing, trying to figure out what he was going to say to me. Had I been too abrupt? Did I scare him away? Was he going to tell me the feeling was mutual?
I called Jake as soon as I got home. We talked for an hour or so just like normal. Then he told me that he had gone on a long run while I was at practice just to think about things. He said he called his dad, and asked his dad how he knew when he was in love with his mom.
He said his dad described word for word exactly how Jake felt about me.
"I love you Kensie."
It just came out. He just put it out there for me to digest. I thought I was ready, but I guess you're never ready for love when it happens. It's kind of hard to explain the butterflies that I got at that moment; it made me want to simotaneously slap someone in the face and hug them. :):)
"I love you too, Jake."
I sealed the deal and promised away my heart. Without knowing it, this perfect boy had walked into my life and swept me off my feet. Little did I know then, I would continue falling more and more in love with this boy every single day.
Things got easier from then on. I think I was a lot more genuine after that, not because I hadn't been real with him before, but I felt a thousand times better knowing he felt the same way about me as I felt about him.
Looking back on that day almost seems silly to me because my love for him has grown so much. It still makes me crazy when he tells me he loves me. But it's a good crazy; crazy in such a way that I know neither of us is going anywhere.
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