Goodbyes.

When I went to visit Jake in October, I only stayed for four days. The Monday when I left was the hardest goodbye I've ever had to say. But why?

Well, picture this. A cold October morning, Jake comes to pick me up from my grandma's house. We spent the whole day longboarding around his neighborhood and raking up leaves and jumping in the piles. We made pumpkin cookies and went grocery shopping and played guitar. He put on a scary movie just so I would snuggle up close to him and he would kiss me so I didn't have to watch the scary parts. He braided my hair, and we held hands everywhere we went. After six months of only talking on the phone, it felt so good to finally be by his side -- how in the world was I supposed to leave him?

Our goodbye was heartbreaking. We both cried, it was dramatic, he kissed me goodbye and I watched him leave. It was so hard for me, even though I knew I would see him again at Christmas. Why was it so hard to be away from him?

Christmas eventually rolled around, and I was back in his arms before I knew it. This time, we got to spend ten whole days together. We were both dreading the goodbye -- this one would be for the next two years.

Needless to say, the days went by way too quick. We went snowboarding and longboarded wherever it was dry. We made more cookies and had a food fight and kissed and danced. Every second I spent with him, I felt complete. It was the best ten days of my life. I fell more in love with everything about him, all his imperfect perfection. He is definitely my favorite human being.

The last night I was with him, we put on a movie and he held me tight. I don't even remember what movie we watched -- we talked the entire time. He told me repeatedly how much he loved me. He brushed out my tangled hair with his fingers, and braided it. I remember just feeling so lucky to be his, and so excited to be with him forever. At the end of the night, I walked him out to his car. He hugged me for what felt like an hour, kissed me, and said, "See you in two years, my princess." And he left.

After that, we got to talk on the phone for a month, but eventually he had to leave on his mission. So once again, we were faced with the obstacle of a goodbye. When we were on the phone for the last time, I had the most wonderful thought. "You're not leaving," I said. "You'll always be here, just in a different way." And he is. He's in every song, every happy thought, and every prayer. His letters sound like he never left... he's the same old goofball, just wearing a suit and tie. In one of the letters he wrote me, he said this:

"I'll often receive guidance and answers to prayers in the very scripture I read.  The cool part? The answers are YOU. I can't stop finding you in my patriarchal blessing, scriptures that once had absolutely no meaning to me, it's you :). I'm so indescribably happy that I was blessed with you... I LOVE YOU MCKENSIE. We were made for each other since before time began. I'm so happy you're mine and that i'm yours and that I get to spend my life and my eternity with you."

In a way, we're still with each other. He's always on my mind, and I know i'm on his too. I've finally figured out why the last goodbye was so easy: this is the last one. This is the final stretch, the last two years I'll ever have to be away from him. :) Heavenly Father has blessed both of us so much because we're spending this time away from each other. I've had angels sent to comfort me, I have no doubt about that. I am so blessed to have my sweet Jake, and I'm so grateful that he chose to serve a mission. Heavenly Father is teaching me so much about his love through Jake. I'll forever be grateful for that boy. :)

Side note:
If anyone is ever contemplating serving a mission because of a boyfriend or girlfriend, GO. I promise you, it's worth it. The blessings you'll receive because of it are incredible. You'll both have trials, but you'll be able to get through them together. Don't be discouraged about leaving someone behind -- it's only two years. It may seem long, but it's the Lord's timing, and if we choose to trust in it, he will bless us beyond measure. And from my experience so far, it's going pretty dang fast. Go on a mission.  Trust in the Lord's timing, because He ALWAYS knows what's best for us. :)