half of a whole

true love: loving someone who you find pieces of yourself in -- loving someone so much that forever couldn't be nearly long enough -- loving someone so much that time and distance means nothing -- loving someone that isn't perfect to the world but is perfect to you in every way possible -- loving someone so completely, irrevocably, perfectly, and unconditionally that nothing would ever tear you two apart.

i've been lonely. there are some nights that i can't even remember what jake's eyes look like or how it feels when he hugs me from behind, and that makes me feel very lonely. what i've learned, however, is that my heart doesn't have room for other boys. while i stumbled around, looking for justification, maybe someone to make me feel less lonely, i realized why the feeling couldn't go away. jake is more myself than i am -- no other person could ever replace him, or even come close. he's my best friend and i miss HIM. i don't miss having a boyfriend or being hugged or having someone to take me to the movies. i miss my best friend, and that's that.

missionary girlfriends have it really rough. the truth of it is, it's HARD. having your other half leave for two whole years is not easy. you will meet other people who will catch your eye, and you may even be proposed to once or twice. but it's up to you to decide what you do. and after trying to decide for months where i stand, i have decided once and for all that i'm over the dating scene. what's the point of awkward first dates if you're already in love?

jake is part of who i am. and i'm not codependent or clingy, that's just the facts. jake defines me because he's half of me. i have proof of it, too -- the way my fingers fit perfectly in between his, or the fact that his shoulder IS in fact the most comfortable place in the world to sleep, or how to kiss him he has to bend down and i have to look up and somewhere in the middle we meet and we fit. we fit perfectly -- two halves of a whole.